Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Thanks for joining me…
Perfection is unattainable. Chasing it is an exercise in futility. I have not figured yet as to what “style” is in writing or “what style” of writing I want to write and/or even what to write. I think, I want to use writing to express the stories I hear, I see, I understand of others as well as myself. What I find difficult is finding words to express myself. There is lot behind this hesitation or limitation. The way we have been conditioned by the society or how the society perceives us, has lot of effect on individuals in expressing themselves and how they react to each situation they land in. Does this mean we are to blame our parents, ancestors? No. I believe everyone acts or reacts from the perspective they have achieved during their upbringing along with society’s norms: be that cultural, traditional, religious and/or political expectations. What I hope to achieve here is probably I don’t understand yet. But instead of finding differences, I wish to find similarities, connections, the patterns we have. Even though civilizations were miles apart from each other with no social or physical connections yet, they had methods, procedures, processes in place: some similar to others but with different reasons behind setting these principles or rules of society. An example is having an conversation with eye to eye contact. Some cultures treat it as sign of disrespect where as other cultures think you have something to hide or are lying if you do not make eye contact. All these thoughts seem like flooding my mind but with no form. I guess, I hope to achieve that form of expression with writing. Form where I can articulate my thoughts, feelings, understanding and knowledge of this world.
For long, I have been advised by professionals, friends and acquaintances to start writing journal. Thought of writing is just as dreadful as of expressing my feelings. The thought of others knowing how I think, process, or feel is like being naked in front of the whole world. It is like having all your secrets out in open. What are they going to say? What are they going to think? They are going to judge me! I will not fit in! I will not be accepted! No one will understand me! No one will love me! What if they put me in a mental ward? I will be locked in a room! I will not be able to breathe in a closed room! What if they never let me out? And so on, mental struggle goes on.
Is it the expression we fear due to rejection of others or is it avoiding the confrontation due to difference of opinion? Or is it the perfection that we are trying to attain?
So for now, I would like to put the stories, the thoughts, the feelings, knowledge in words. And to do that I need to start somewhere. That somewhere is here.